One of my biggest guilty pleasures is indulging from a moderately overpriced crepe place in my neighborhood. I am notably known to give in to it on days that fall on the mundane to devastating end of the spectrum. It’s strange because in recent years, my criteria for what counts as devastating have gotten increasingly worse as my life has completely uprooted and shifted to an alien landscape in the span of 24 hours. So now, when I have a rough week or two, or even more, I still hesitate to declare it a S.O.S kind of emergency. It sits nestled in someplace inconvenient enough to keep me from functioning fluently, but not quite insane enough to make me lose everything I call home. It sucks. It's disruptive. It most certainly calls for crepes and peace.
Peace is a hard feeling to internalize. With so much external violence modeled through the world at large and oftentimes in our personal life, peace seems impossible. To me, wanting to be at peace also used to mean having to accept and move on from any and all turmoil, as if the only way to have one, is without the other. But adversity in any form is abundant with oxymoron, with or without being noticed. Every person, place and thing you come across somehow has some message or lesson it tries to tell you. I’m not sure I have time to go down the rabbit hole to debate if everything happens for a reason, but I do know the only way forward is through bittersweet understanding.
The kind of understanding a dandelion clock may have when it’s dunked into water, with its bristles forming a bubble of air, leaving it seemingly untouched when it emerges outside again. It’s a small kind of peace and a little pocket of joy. It belongs to itself before anything or anyone else. After weeks of deep pit wallowing, an understanding of dandelion clocks and an inconspicuous number of crepes, I think I found my air bubble. My storms aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, and I am nowhere near acceptance, but in the smallest of ways, I found peace that belongs to myself.
Every person, place and thing you come across somehow has some message or lesson it tries to tell you.
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